You Don’t Have to Recreate a 90's Summer- let go of the pressure and keep the good stuff

Why trying too hard backfires/ loose routines/ screens are not the enemy/ ways to deal with boredom/ easy summer play ideas

Lately, my feed has been full of posts that shout some version of: “Bring back the 90s summer! Ditch the schedules! Let your kids run free like we used to!” Sounds dreamy... or does it?

This year, it’s “Give your kids a 90s summer.” Last year it was “you only have 18 summers, make them count.” I feel myself tensing up just typing that. When will we stop prescribing these unrealistic, mom-shaming ideals?

I did grow up in the 90s, and guess what? I went to camp. I played Nintendo. I watched Family Ties and Different Strokes. Sure, we roamed the neighborhood on Schwinn bikes and played in the creek... which, in hindsight, might’ve been a sewer.

I want to help parents find a summer that feels good for them, too. Because when parents are maxed out, it’s nearly impossible to provide the kind of life we want to give our kids.

Even when it’s beachy and “slow,” summer with kids is still a lot. You’re juggling work, meals, camp drop-offs, vacation logistics, and back-to-school forms all while trying to fill 47 snack requests before 10 am. So when a well-meaning influencer chirps, “Make every moment count,” it can land like a gut punch. The idea isn’t ill-intentioned, but the pressure is too much.

Magical summers don’t come from a parent putting in maximum effort, but they do come from letting go of internet ideals, Pinterest visions, and the belief that you have to create childhood magic from scratch.

If you hate the woods, skip the nature hike, and absolutely do not go on the camping trip. If the town pool with toddlers gives you hives, fill a kiddie pool, add some toys, and call it a day. If you want them to have fun, it starts with you having fun and you can’t have fun doing things you don’t like. Decide what you like to do with your kids and start there.

Your kids don’t need a Pinterest-perfect mom. They won’t remember if you pureed the popsicles or bought them at the store, but they will remember how they felt. Do the things that make you feel good. And BTW? NO ONE is supposed to feel good all the time. So, lower the bar.

Let’s Recalibrate Summer Ideals:

Being present with the kids some of the time, not all of the time.
A little less pressure for them and for you.
Choosing summer ideas that fit into your real life and won’t cause stress.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing, and you can do this in between work meetings or after camp pick-up.

Why Trying Too Hard Backfires

When parents go all in on creating “magical” summers, here’s what can happen:

• Kids whine, melt down, or fight anyway (because they’re kids)

• You feel resentful because you tried so hard and it’s still hard

• Everyone ends up overstimulated and underwhelmed

Create space for a few playful, present moments, but not all the moments.

If the idea of heading to the beach, the zoo or the pool makes you tense up, you’re not the only one. Here are a few ways to make it easier for everyone:

Here’s the truth my kids would tell you if they had the chance: if it wasn’t fun (or at least manageable) for me too, we probably weren’t going.

My kids are teens now, but when they were small, most days it was just them and me. I needed to get out of the house every day, even if it just meant a scooter ride to the library. We kept it simple. The key was repeating the same spots over and over. We returned to the same patch of woods, revisited the same little beach, and walked the same neighborhood loop again and again.

Familiarity breeds confidence for them and for you.

When you’ve been somewhere before, you get a sense of the land. You can let them be a little freer. Your eyes know exactly which rock to look behind when someone’s out of sight. They know which trees are good for climbing, and which ones to skip, without having to ask and without you having a little heart attack with each climb.

We went to the same little beach almost every single day in the summer. Over time, we all settled into a rhythm:

• You don’t run to the water the second we arrive. You help set up and wait for the go-ahead. (This took multiple beach visits to nail down and patience on my end)

• Before heading to the water, they had to tell me and wait for me to say their name back, out loud.
  “Mom, I’m going in the water.”
  “Sloane, you’re going in the water. Thanks for telling me. I heard you.”

• They had their setup and pack-up jobs.

• I learned that if I didn’t stay on top of water and snacks, we’d hit meltdown city fast.

Don’t reinvent the wheel every day. Find a few places that work, rinse and repeat. You’ll all feel better.

“Won’t they get bored going to the same place over and over?”
I used to wonder the same thing. But when those places are outdoors, the landscape itself keeps things interesting. At the beach, the tides change. Different shells wash up. New holes get dug, and new games get invented. In the woods, there are always new bugs to discover, branches that fall, paths that shift with the seasons.

Repeating the same spots actually creates a sense of ease and discovery. Your kids get the comfort of knowing the space and still find something new every time. It also takes the pressure off you to constantly find new places or plan new activities. Nature does the heavy lifting and you just have to show up.

While I love letting kids be kids — my whole philosophy is built on real-life ideas for more connection, less chaos, and a childhood that actually feels like childhood, I also love a sense of order.

It took me years to find that balance. I knew I didn’t want a strict, color-coded schedule. But I did want to know what was coming next, and how it was going to work.

Kids need that too. (And I know that not just as a mom of three, but as a Master’s certified early childhood educator.)

That balance between connection and predictability didn’t just show up one day. We built it, slowly, with simple systems that worked for all of us.

Here are a few of the daily rhythms that helped us feel more grounded (without turning into a camp counselor):

1. Morning Notes
Each morning, I’d scribble a quick note for my kids about the day. Sure, I could’ve just told them, but there was something about the note that helped them hear me without feeling nagged.

Greeting, 1–2 simple tasks, Something small to look forward to. That’s it! It gives them direction and builds routine without rigidity, and when your kindergartener starts writing their own? Prepare to cry.

2. Their boredom isn’t yours to fix
When your kid says “I’m bored,” your job isn’t to fix it, it’s to hold it. You don’t need to suggest activities, hand them a broom, or launch into a monologue about how many toys you just bought them. Most of the time, boredom isn’t a crisis. It’s a moment of disconnection and not knowing what to do next. What kids really want in that moment is understanding, not entertainment. Instead of jumping into problem-solving mode, try this:

“Do you want to bring your Legos down to my office and play near me, or use magnetic tiles in your room?”

You’re giving them a choice, not a command, offering proximity but not a project or to-do list.

If they’re still not sure try:

“It’s okay to be bored. You’ll figure it out. When you do, don’t tell me! Surprise me later and I’ll guess what you did.”

This kind of response doesn’t require a new toy or a 45-minute game. It just asks you to stay calm and trusting, even when they’re uncomfortable.

3. Screens Are Not the Enemy
The internet has convinced us that screens = failure. But it’s not the screens. It’s the default mode that hurts. When screens are used with intention — not just to avoid conflict — they can be part of a healthy rhythm. Your kids don’t need screen-free perfection. They need boundaries that make space for both play and quiet rest. Read more on how to do that here.

4. Prep Your Home to Support Unstructured Play

Instead of keeping toys in the playroom, strategically place them throughout the house. Make it easy for your kids to play alongside you as you work and go about your day.

• Magnetic Tiles on the kitchen table

• Crayons and paper on the coffee table

• A basket of small blocks and animals in your office

So how do you create meaningful moments without defaulting to screens or overextending yourself? Keep it simple and focus on presence, not perfection.

Three Low-Effort, High-Connection Ideas:

1. Sidewalk Chalk + Lemonade
Pour a pitcher. Grab chalk. Leave your phone inside. This is perfect for after dinner, before bath, and bedtime. Trace each other’s outlines. Draw a hopscotch board. Play tic tac toe. Let it be sweet, quick, imperfect, and enough. Just hang out and be together, even if they fight or your three-year-old steals all the blue pieces.

2. Takeout Picnic + Family Song of the Summer
Order takeout/ pack a few lunch boxes and toss a blanket in the car. Eat in a park while playing music everyone loves. Let your kids choose a summer “family song.” Every time it plays again, turn it up and dance or high-five each other.

3. Late-Night Ice Cream Run- In PJs (My husband and I were just reminiscing about this one)

Do your bedtime routine as usual. Put on PJs, wash up and brush teeth, read stories, and when it’s time for lights out, announce the change in plans. “Surprise! We are going out for ice cream.” Your kids will feel so excited to be out in the “middle of the night.” We used to put our little two in the stroller and let our oldest walk with us. Everyone got flashlights to play with and off we headed to the ice cream parlor in our PJs. Also: popsicles and flashlight walks count too.

IYou don’t need to make summer perfect. You don’t need a sticker chart, a scavenger hunt, or a five-day no-sugar/no-screens challenge. Instead, try:

• A few moments of presence

• A little flexibility

• And the confidence to let go of the pressure

Hit the heart if this post helped you let go of some of the pressure to make summer magic. Mondays are usually for paid posts, but this message felt urgent and too important to paywall. Do me a favor and forward it to a friend who’s somewhere between “summer magic” and “meltdown city.” Tell me in the comments: What’s one small summer thing that actually works in your house?

x.
Lizzie

Looking for more like this?