This was so good! As a toddler mum and a teacher, it’s a really important reminder. It’s so easy to turn everything into forced learning rather than the free learning of play.
Wow I had almost exactly the same experience at a playground recently. I was with my daughter and I saw two boys around 3-5 yrs old playing with some big sticks. They told their adults, excitedly, “we’re fishing!!”. One of the moms started going on and on - “ooh! what kind of fish, do you know? Is it a salmon? Is it a trout? Describe it!” And I felt so deflated just overhearing it, like just let them play!! Why do we need to create a taxonomy of fish right now!! This is so affirming to read, and hilariously also fish-adjacent.
You are so right. Toddlers' dvelopmental task is to learn that the world doesn't not revolve around them, but the help is available if needed. Otherwise, they have to learn how to self-regulate. If that doesn't happen, they become dysregulated teenagers. Then, picking up crumbs will not be enough.
This was such a perfect post for me to read today, after a week of vacation at a farm hotel with three preschoolers. It was supposed to be relaxed and fun, but somehow, it ended up being a stressful run to enjoy as much as possible, and 2 smaller kids crying almost 24 hours per day, me snapping at my husband. I do want to try to take things more relaxing but at the same time super stressful with three small kids, one neurodivergent and seems like I am the only one caring about what sort of food they eat or how much tv they are watching. But definitely need a breath and to relax and observe more.
I identify with the goldfish mother. What if kids havent eaten or drank in 3-4 hours, but are absorbed in imaginative adventures?
My instinct says to let them keep playing. But if I do, 95% of the time, the play soon ends in hunger/thirst-induced repeated hitting/ screaming/fighting. Not the kind I can let them work out. The kind involving sudden rage, bashing, etc.
Yet if I interrupt to gently suggest snack/water or dinner, I am either ignored (they are deep in great play), or screamed at/hit for the same reasons.
Ive tried to then starting to eat dinner myself, and leaving them to play. But they dont join until well after the hunger/thirst induced fighting. Which makes for miserable meals. And continues until they have food in their bodies.
This is such a good question. You know your kids best. And you know where the line is better than anyone on the internet. Take this post more as food for thought and less as “Do X or Y will happen. Experiment a little, when you have the bandwidth, and not when it’s just not worth it. Thanks for reading and being here. x
This was so good! As a toddler mum and a teacher, it’s a really important reminder. It’s so easy to turn everything into forced learning rather than the free learning of play.
Wow I had almost exactly the same experience at a playground recently. I was with my daughter and I saw two boys around 3-5 yrs old playing with some big sticks. They told their adults, excitedly, “we’re fishing!!”. One of the moms started going on and on - “ooh! what kind of fish, do you know? Is it a salmon? Is it a trout? Describe it!” And I felt so deflated just overhearing it, like just let them play!! Why do we need to create a taxonomy of fish right now!! This is so affirming to read, and hilariously also fish-adjacent.
You are so right. Toddlers' dvelopmental task is to learn that the world doesn't not revolve around them, but the help is available if needed. Otherwise, they have to learn how to self-regulate. If that doesn't happen, they become dysregulated teenagers. Then, picking up crumbs will not be enough.
This was such a perfect post for me to read today, after a week of vacation at a farm hotel with three preschoolers. It was supposed to be relaxed and fun, but somehow, it ended up being a stressful run to enjoy as much as possible, and 2 smaller kids crying almost 24 hours per day, me snapping at my husband. I do want to try to take things more relaxing but at the same time super stressful with three small kids, one neurodivergent and seems like I am the only one caring about what sort of food they eat or how much tv they are watching. But definitely need a breath and to relax and observe more.
I identify with the goldfish mother. What if kids havent eaten or drank in 3-4 hours, but are absorbed in imaginative adventures?
My instinct says to let them keep playing. But if I do, 95% of the time, the play soon ends in hunger/thirst-induced repeated hitting/ screaming/fighting. Not the kind I can let them work out. The kind involving sudden rage, bashing, etc.
Yet if I interrupt to gently suggest snack/water or dinner, I am either ignored (they are deep in great play), or screamed at/hit for the same reasons.
Ive tried to then starting to eat dinner myself, and leaving them to play. But they dont join until well after the hunger/thirst induced fighting. Which makes for miserable meals. And continues until they have food in their bodies.
How do we allow balance and self awareness?
This is such a good question. You know your kids best. And you know where the line is better than anyone on the internet. Take this post more as food for thought and less as “Do X or Y will happen. Experiment a little, when you have the bandwidth, and not when it’s just not worth it. Thanks for reading and being here. x