You Don’t Have to Play With Your Kids Every Time They Ask: Why Independent Play Wins (and 16 Other Ways to Connect)

5 reasons it’s great for your child when you say no to playing with them | 5 reasons its great for you to say no to playing with them | 5 ways to decline the request

You don’t have to play with your child every time they ask. It’s not good for them or for you. As a mom of three, I get it. Saying no to playing with your child can feel hard. It goes against the societal construct of what makes a “good parent.”  It makes you feel guilty. So, here is my attempt at helping you feel better about saying no to playing with your child when your heart isn't in it, and how to connect with them instead. 

When kids ask you to play with them, what they are really asking is for you to connect with them.  Children need connection and undivided attention to self-regulate, learn more effectively, and have fewer meltdowns. When you consistently connect (connect, not play)  with your child every day, even if it’s only for a few minutes, it will feel easier to say no and stick to your limit when necessary. Connecting every day for a little while will help both you and your child feel better.

Does that mean playing with your children is bad? Nope… But if you don’t want to play with your kids, there are lots of other valuable ways to connect with them. Before I share those, I want to help you understand why declining play is great for your child.