Why I Stopped Threatening to Throw Away My Kids' Toys: The Cleanup Hack I Wish Someone Had Told Me Sooner

Let's Talk Clean Up Time (The Why Behind the Struggle)/The Cleanup System That Works/Age-By-Age Expectations/ When Cleanup Feels Impossible/ Phrases That Build Cooperation

One morning, as my eleven-year-old daughter was getting ready for school, she called me into her room. I walked in and immediately noticed toys scattered across the floor, art supplies spread on her desk, and play silks draped over furniture. Before I could say a word, she looked at me and said, "Mom!! Don't freak out about the mess in here. My friends and I played hard yesterday, and this is what happens when you play."

You know what? She was right.

I've always struggled with mess. When my kids were small, the constant state of chaos would overwhelm me. Honestly, even now that they're older, clutter still makes my anxiety spike. I function better when things are tidy, and let's be real—everyone benefits when mom isn't feeling overwhelmed.

But here's the thing: as an early childhood educator, I know that a messy playroom is evidence of healthy, active play—exactly what I want to nurture in my home. So instead of constantly battling this contradiction, I found middle ground.

I made time that afternoon to help my daughter clean up. Not because I couldn't stand the mess, but because I value both play and order. I'll always choose the physical mess that comes from rich play over a pristine home with no play at all. What I've discovered, though, is that a tidy, organized play space actually invites more creative and focused play than a chronically messy one.

What worked for us was a shift in my approach to cleanup time. I stopped the exasperated sighs and frustrated stomping around. Instead, I started helping them clean with the attitude of, "You played hard, and I'm here for it. Now let's reset this space together."

This balance—between encouraging creative play and maintaining a functioning home—led me to implement the systems I'm sharing today. They've transformed not just our physical space, but the entire emotional climate of our home.

Let's Talk Clean Up Time (The Why Behind the Struggle)

Imagine this... You are in the kitchen listening to your favorite tunes while cooking the most delicious meal. You are in the zone. It smells amazing, you are getting ready for the next complicated step in the process when... BAM! Someone slams the pot closed and freaks out about the mess in the kitchen and demands you abandon your creation and clean up right now.

That is how your child feels when you burst into the playroom demanding clean up time. Young children live fully in the present moment. Their brain's ability to pivot, plan ahead, and shift gears is still developing. What looks like defiance is often simply their brain struggling with the abrupt transition.

That doesn't mean you need to live in a mess. Research confirms children actually play more productively and creatively in a tidy, organized space. You don't have to feel guilty setting limits around cleanup time. This is your home and you get to decide how you want it to feel and how things work inside of it.

The Game-Changing Cleanup System That Works