What Your Kids Really Need This Summer Isn’t in the Homework Packet: Real-life ways to build skills one popsicle, cheese stick, and beach day at a time.

5 things my kids learned from the ice cream truck/ a new take on “the summer slide”/ frustration tolerance/ age by age life skills to build this summer (3-10yo)

If I added up all the money we’ve spent at the ice cream truck in our lifetime, college tuition would be taken care of. I’m kidding. Sort of. My kids are teens and a tween now, and the ice cream truck is not nearly as exciting as it was on all those hot, salty days at the beach. But when I think back to those summers, the sandy feet, the sticky fingers, the piggyback rides across hot pavement, I realize how much they were learning.

Each summer, before we said goodbye to friends and family in NJ and headed to the beach in MA for nine weeks, my mom would give my kids a big jar of dollar bills and change in a jar marked, “Ice Cream Truck Money.” Between Grammie’s contribution, their saved stashes of coins and scrunched-up dollar bills, and some money from me, they were the ice cream truck’s best customers.

Each afternoon, as the blistering midday sun turned to the softer light of the late afternoon, the jingle of the truck could be heard in the distance. Sound travels over water, and kids would come splashing out of the ocean like a scene from JAWS.

Immediately my own three kids would go into practiced action. One of them would run to our beach spot for money while the other two hobbled across the hot sand and up to the street where the ice cream truck would park.

There would be shouts from parents, “Be careful of the cars!” and “Put on your shoes first!” or “Only a kiddie cup today,” but the kids could never hear us over the music playing from the truck and the shouts of excitement across the beach.

My oldest used to piggyback my youngest up the sand and order for his younger sisters. I remember the summer when my middle child was five and proudly declared she was now old enough to “pay the money” herself, and no longer wanted help from her older brother. We all remember the summer when my youngest daughter proudly took over paying and ordering on her own. It felt momentous as she approached the truck and her big brother and sister quietly encouraged her on. It was a big deal for my once shy, quiet, teeny-tiny child. (By the way, she is 12 now and loud, proud, and in charge.)

Capability and confidence are built, not through lectures or reward charts, nor by forcing performance. They are built by doing something real, that your kids care about, with support just nearby.

Most of the other parents jumped up when the ice cream truck came. They dutifully grabbed their wallets and held their child’s spot on line. They ordered for them, wiped their dripping cones, and dabbed wet wipes over sticky chins. I didn’t. And it’s not because I am lazy or I didn’t care. Trust me, I was sitting on my hands when the blue dripped off the bomb pop, down their chin, onto a swimsuit that I knew would now be stained blue for the rest of summer.

I didn’t get up and walk them to the truck because the ice cream truck rolling up to our little beach every day was the perfect opportunity for them practice the following skills:

• How to wait patiently, even when you really want to push and grab to get your ice cream first

• How to order in a voice that’s loud, clear, and polite

• How to pay with cash (in a mostly cashless world) and count change

• How to make a second choice when your first isn’t available

None of these skills could be learned from a workbook, and yet, they are the EXACT skills kids will need to succeed in school and in life. When other parents were drilling flashcards and leaving the beach early for summer homework and reading logs, I was quietly letting my kids order their own ice creams and count their change.

There is so much noise in the parenting space about “summer slide,” and kindergarten readiness, but what if you turned down the volume on the channel that said your kids need drills and workbooks and tuned into your child’s small moments throughout the day?

What if you stopped automatically ordering for them, choosing for them, dressing them, and instead you paused, observed, and gave them a chance to build those skills on their own timeline? This summer, instead of more structure, try more trust.

There’s nothing wrong with specialty camps or workbooks, but they aren’t required for growth and sometimes they take up the space your kids need for other more important things. You don’t have to fill every blank space on the calendar to be a “good parent,” and you don’t need to prove your child is “ready” by pushing academics through July. Instead, create the space for child-led growth. Look for your child’s real learning in the small, everyday moments, and support it quietly and intentionally from the side.

Real-life learning doesn’t require a workbook, it requires a shift in how we think about “helping.”

One of the most powerful things you can do to build your child’s sense of capability and confidence is to stop doing everything for them. I don’t mean pulling away their support. Instead, try shifting it a little bit at a time.

Like most things in parenting it starts with our own mindset, so let’s do a reframe:

Taking good care of my child doesn’t mean doing everything for them. It means supporting them in doing more things for themselves. Independence isn’t built by wiping every nose and pouring every drink. We build it by creating small repeated opportunities for our kids to try, stumble, and taste success.

Here’s what creating space can look like in real life:

I was sitting on the beach and saw a little boy, probably four or five, run to his mom with sandy hands and a pocket full of shells. He asked what was for snack. She gave him two choices: pretzels or cheese. He wiped his hands on her dress, grabbed the cheese stick, and whined, “Open it for me.” What she did next made me want to jump up and high-five her. (don’t worry, I’m not that creepy) She didn’t rush in. She paused. She watched as he fumbled. His hands were slippery. He was frustrated. He looked up and said, “Mom! Help!!” She calmly replied, “I’ll get it started, and you can pull the rest of the way.” She opened it just enough so he could finish the job. He did. Then he handed her the wrapper and ran back to the water, snack in hand.

Instead of solving the problem for him, she paused. She supported him without taking over. She allowed for a moment where he could feel a little stuck, and then successful. I call that beat “the magic pause.” And it’s one of the simplest ways to build your child’s frustration tolerance.

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If you’ve ever watched your child struggle with something small—
and wanted to swoop in, but wondered if maybe they needed something else...
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What comes next:
The quiet shift that builds resilience without shame (The Magic Pause)
Phrases to say when your child is stuck, melting down, or asking for help
Real-life examples of how to build independence, confidence, and capability—from age 3 to 10
The kind of support that helps your child believe: I can do this.

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