We Didn’t Homeschool, But We Did This Instead..

An Unbusy Childhood/ We Said No So Our Kids Could Rest/ Birthday Party Boundaries/ Quiet Time/ Open Doors and Messy Floors

We didn’t homeschool our kids. We didn’t move to a farm, sell our stuff, rent an RV, and travel the world (truthfully, I don’t think I could’ve handled that). We didn’t grow our own sourdough starter, raise chickens, or even a vegetable garden.

My husband and I both work (I was very part-time when they were small), and homeschooling wasn’t it for us. It wasn’t a fit logistically or financially.

We did make one decision early on that shaped everything else: We chose to protect play and prioritize rest. I wanted my kids to have a childhood that felt like childhood. And now that our kids are tweens and teens, I can say this with so much clarity: I’m so glad we did.

We said no to a lot of things other people said yes to. It wasn’t easy and it didn’t always make sense to friends and family. But it gave our kids room to grow, and it gave us room to be the kind of parents we actually wanted to be.

Here’s what that looked like in practice:

Daily quiet time and independent play, especially on the weekends.

We started doing daily quiet time for each kid right when they gave up the midday nap. No screens, no structured activities, just an hour or so where everyone went to their own space and did their own thing. Not playing together (hello sibling squabbles), not mommy-play-with-me, not give me the iPad and I’ll be quiet.

I needed a built-in break every day, and they needed downtime they could rely on.

Quiet time became a staple. Once they learned the routine, my kids would draw, build with blocks, or just daydream, on their own. And I got to reclaim a tiny bit of my bandwidth which made me a far better parent the rest of the day. And no they weren’t always quiet and yes, they did make big messes a lot of the time.

(If you want to learn more about implementing a solid quiet time and independent play routine, check out my Starter Guide to Quiet Time and Independent Play, which has helped hundreds of families across the globe.)

Birthday Party Boundaries

We only said yes to birthday parties for close friends and family. I know this one won’t land for everyone. That’s okay. I’ve shared our low-key weekends on the internet long enough to know some people love the full birthday party circuit. But for us, keeping weekends and after-school unscheduled worked better.

Trampoline parks are fun, but one Saturday, as I was chasing one kid while watching another almost break an arm, I wondered if we needed to be there. The answer was no. After most parties, we would all end up overstimulated and cranky, and it didn’t feel worth it. My husband and I made an informal family rule: birthday parties were for the people who mattered to us, not every single classmate or vague acquaintance from swim class. Party invitations were not an automatic yes anymore.

It protected our weekends and our family time. It protected our sanity. There were exceptions, because family life needs some flexibility.

Limited Sports and After School Activities

We didn’t fill the calendar with soccer, gymnastics, art, and chess club, unless one of our kids specifically asked for it. And even then, we, the adults had the final say.

(see this post for 5 questions to ask your child before signing up for activities and more about how we decided)

It meant we said no to a lot of “but everyone else is doing it” energy. It meant the kids were disappointed sometimes. And when they did pick an activity, they were invested. Saying no also meant we had time for spontaneous train rides into the city to try a new playground and eat hot, salty street pretzels. It meant saying yes to hours in the backyard and playroom making up intricate games. The kids learned how to be bored and figure out ways to fill their time that felt good to them.

Our house was an open-door house

This one's my favorite. We kept a stocked snack drawer and an open-door policy. Kids came over and often they stayed for dinner. (We ordered a lot of impromptu pizzas.) Our front lawn was constantly littered with bikes, helmets, and abandoned socks and shoes. It was loud and messy. Bonus? It didn't involve us driving them around constantly, nor did it involve expensive club sports, travel, and uniforms.

We built a kid-centric home

We prioritized independence and play. Kid-accessible snacks. Art at the kitchen table. Step stools. Spaces where they could play freely without a grown-up hovering. Adults often commented, “it looks like a preschool in here,” and whether they meant it as a compliment or not, I took it as one. Our home looked lived in because it was. There were crumbs and fingerprints in the oddest of places. Sand and glitter were deeply embedded in the cracks of our wood floors. I get that this aesthetic isn’t for everyone, but home became a place where our kids felt free. And so did I. Read more about this HERE.

Looking back, I don’t regret a single “no.” But when I was in it, there were many nights when I questioned our choices:

Am I holding them back?
Should I be pushing them harder?
How will they find their “thing” if they aren’t exposed to everything early?

I was a preschool teacher in NYC before I had kids. I saw families doing their best in a fast-paced world. Afternoons were packed with ballet, Mandarin lessons, and soccer clinics. Their parents were hustling. Play was squeezed into whatever teeny tiny space was left. And the kids were exhausted.

So when my husband and I had kids, we didn’t buy into the idea that busy = better. Instead we chose what worked for us, not what looked good from outside. We wanted our kids to grow into themselves.

I know that not everyone has the same flexibility, time, or support. But I do believe every family deserves rest. And every child deserves room to just be a kid. There is no way to do parenting right. There’s no one right way. Just do what’s right for your family. Even one small yes to rest and play, once a week, can shift things.

What if rest and play were the goals, not just the reward?

If this post gave you even one new idea or moment of relief, send it to a fellow parent who deserves it too. We’re all just trying to raise good humans without losing ourselves in the process.

Want more parenting posts like this? You’ll love these:

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Thank you for being here. Thank you for letting me into your sphere of influence. There are so many parenting writers out there, and I don’t take it lightly that you choose to read my work.

More to come! Please, pretty please, help me grow by hitting that little heart button, sharing, or leaving a comment on my posts. I appreciate you.

x Lizzie