I've been parenting for 17 years and I've certainly made some questionable decisions during that time. In my defense, however, think about how many parenting decisions we make each day. Sometimes, when I am already tired and it's only ten in the morning, I take out a scrap paper and write down every little decision I've already made that day. It's a lot and it makes me feel better to see, on paper, why I am so tired.
For the most part, it's all turned out okay. Here are two things I did that when my kids were little that are paying off now that they are teens…
One: When they made a mistake or got into trouble as little kids, I tried my best to avoid shame and punishment and instead took an approach that put our relationship first by using logical consequences.
I used to give my kids one "get out of jail free" card during elementary school. I remember when my oldest was in fourth grade. He had forgotten his lunch at home, for the second time, despite my reminders to put it in his backpack, my placing it next to the backpack, and my warning that I wouldn't drop it off at school if he forgot. I could have easily dropped it off. I was an at-home mom, and we lived only a five-minute walk from school. After dropping my youngest off at preschool, I dropped my car keys in the dish by the front door, I bent down to untie my shoes, and that’s when I saw his lunch box. Argh! I had reminded him so many times.
Was it mean not to bring it to him? He's such a good kid, and good kids make mistakes. But no, I wasn’t going to drop off the forgotten lunch.
So what was stopping? Well, I'll tell you. It was important to me to let my child "fail" in a supported environment.
I didn't bring the lunch, and he didn't call me to bring it. All day, I felt a faint twinge of pain on his behalf. I was nervous that he was hungry or upset at school. I worried I was a mean mom.
