That time your kid opened a gift and said, 'I already have this one!'
Kids, Gifts, and Public Reactions- Developmental Strategies That Work
Your four-year-old's eyes sparkle with excitement as they tear into the puppy-covered wrapping paper with their sticky candy cane hands. You hold your breath as a handmade sweater from Grandma tumbles out, already knowing what's coming. "I wanted a unicorn stuffie," your little one announces to the silent room, while Grandma sits there, shock and disappointment registering on her face. You catch a sympathetic glance from your sister-in-law, who you know is silently thanking her lucky stars it wasn't her kid. You hear your mother-in-law tsk-tsk as you try desperately to disappear into the Christmas tree branches behind you.
Before I give you some pre-teaching strategies to practice with your kids, so you can avoid this scene, I want you to know this:
A 2-3 year old generally lacks the emotional regulation to hide disappointment.
By 4-5, children are developing awareness of others' feelings but still struggle with impulse control.
6-8-year-olds are typically more capable of understanding social expectations but may still need guidance. (All children are different, but use this for frame of reference.)
If you're worried about offending Grandma with an unintentional truth bomb, plan your response in advance. You can't control what comes out of your child's mouth, but you can control what comes out of yours.
"Noah, that was rude!" Shaming your child is not a great idea because children don’t learn that way and it will only leave you both feeling defensive and crappy. Instead, try interjecting with: "Thank you so much for the thoughtful present" and move on. Later on, you can pull Aunt Mary aside, thank her again, and mention that you are working on gift receiving with Noah.
Get ahead of the awkward moments… Here are a few ways to teach gracious gift-receiving skills before the big day. Keep development in mind, and know that despite your best efforts, kids will be kids.
Play Present Time (Role-Play) Grab some toys your child already has and wrap them in anything – a dish towel, blanket, or paper. Make it silly. Here's how to play: "Okay, now you be the gift-giver! What did you bring me?" Open the wrapped block with exaggerated excitement: "Oh... it's a block. I wanted ice cream!" Make a dramatic sad face. Watch your child's reaction, then ask: "Hmm, was that a kind way to act? What could I say instead?" Let them guide you: "Maybe I could say 'Thank you for picking this out for me!'" For the youngest ones (2-4), keep it super simple: "When we receive a gift, we always say 'thank you.'" For older kids (5-8), you can explore deeper: "Even if we're disappointed, it's important to thank the gift giver." Remember, a 2-year-old might need lots of practice just saying "thank you," while your 8-year-old can help create a whole list of polite responses. Make it fun – the sillier you act during role-play, the more your child will engage and remember.
Gift-Overload Instead of opening 15 presents at the family party, have your child open just 2-3 gifts. Take the rest home and spread them out - maybe open one after breakfast and another after dinner. Grandma wants to see her gift being opened? Set up your phone and record a quick video of your child opening her present the next morning. Send it with a text like "Look how much Jamie loves the truck!" This works especially well for:
Children who get excited or overwhelmed and might forget their "thank you"
Children who feel anxious with everyone watching
Practice Your "Thank Yous" On The Road Turn the car ride to the holiday gathering into quick practice time. "When we get to Grandma's, what are we going to say if she hands us a present?" Take turns practicing while you're stuck in traffic: "Let's try it! I'll be Grandma - 'Here's your gift, sweetie!'" Wait for your child's response: "Awesome! You remembered to look up and say thank you!" Even a 5-minute practice session can help your child (and you) feel ready.
Adjust Your Expectations It is normal for children to say how they really feel and not to censor their feelings. It might feel embarrassing to you and to the other adults, but let the moment pass. It doesn't mean your child is spoiled or that you did anything wrong as a parent. They're still learning (and so are we).
Hope this helps! Have a great holiday. x. Lizzie