You’ve packed the car like a game of Tetris, driven three hours with a 2, 5, and 7-year-old, and just pulled into the driveway of extended family you see a few times a year.
The kids tumble out of their car seats, tired, overstimulated, and already running hot, and before you’ve even taken your coat off, half a dozen adults are trying to hug them, ask questions, and pull them into the chaos.
You haven’t even had a bite of cheese, and your nervous system is already at a 10.
Sound familiar, or was this just me when my kids were little?
Holidays with young kids are intense.
We can’t make them chill or force the day to go according to plan. We can’t control how our family chooses to host us, or how Uncle Ant will behave when he’s six beers deep at half-time.
We can’t rearrange the menu to include the specific box mac and cheese that can only be mixed to a very specific consistency with a side of lukewarm chicken nuggies.
But there is one small shift that helps:
Give your kids a little bit of control.
Not over everything. Just enough to help them feel like the day includes them.
Here’s what that might look like:
Let them pack their own bag
Before you leave, have each kid pack their own little backpack (with your help).
They can add a special snack, a favorite book or a small toy, and something comforting like a blankie or stuffed animal. When you arrive, help them set it up in a quiet corner.
This becomes their break spot. It is a place to land when things get too loud or too much. When your 3-year-old hits their limit, they know where to go to reset. (And so do you.)
Let them choose the pajamas
You picked the adorable outfit. Let them be in charge of their pajamas or whatever they’ll change into for the ride home. Before you go, tell them, “For dinner, you’ll wear your navy sweater and khaki pants, but you get to be in charge of what you’ll change into after dinner. Want to go get it and put it in this bag for me?” This gives them a say, something to look forward to, and a sense of autonomy in a grown-up day.
Give them something to bring
In the days before you leave, have your child make a drawing or a card for the host. Doesn’t need to be Pinterest-worthy. The point is purpose. When you arrive, give your child their gift to present when the door opens. This takes the pressure off the “Give Auntie a kiss, come say hi to Grampie” routine and puts the attention on the gift instead. It gives your child a minute to regroup and acclimate. It’s a “job” to do when walking into a full house of adults is too much.
Hosting this year? Here are five things that might help lower the stress:
1. Use butcher paper instead of a tablecloth
Skip the heirloom lace tablecloth and unroll some good old brown butcher paper onto the table. Add in some crayons and stickers. There’s no stress about spills, and kids (and adults) stay engaged at the table longer, and you get to sit for more than three minutes.
2. Serve appetizers outside
If the weather allows, set up appetizers where kids can move. Light a fire pit outside, put out a crock pot of warm cider, and some snacks. Put some sidewalk chalk, a football, scooters — anything that gets their bodies going and keeps them out from underfoot. Everyone will have a blast outside while you finish the real meal inside.
3. Feed the kids early
Give them their preferred meal, even if it’s string cheese and pretzels, before the main meal. Thanksgiving with a house full is not the time to work on picky eating. Go with what works. There are already so many variables on this day, you both deserve to stress less about what’s on their plate.
4. Start a simple Thankful Tree ritual
Cut out paper leaves. Grab a marker. Let your child ask guests what they’re thankful for and hang the leaves on a branch or houseplant. It keeps their hands busy and their focus grounded. It’s sweet without being saccharine, and it gives them a role beyond “don’t touch that.”
5. Let your kids make the place cards
Markers. Stickers. Scribbles. Let it be messy. It gives them ownership and makes the table feel like theirs, too, and everyone loves a handmade touch.
Thanksgiving doesn’t have to run smoothly to be a good day.
A few small choices can change the energy, not just for your kids, but for you, too.
If this kind of support helps, the kind that doesn’t require a parenting overhaul or a printable chore chart, stick around.
You’re doing better than you think.
Thanks for being here.
x
Lizzie
This isn’t about presents. It’s about play. Forget the hot toy lists.. Here’s what your child will still love in April:
We do butcher paper on the table for birthdays and holidays, it's fun and so easy!
This is full of such gems! For any holiday! Thank you