My Child Is Crying and Refusing to Get Dressed for School. What Do I Do?

offering support/ asking for support/ setting limits/what to tell the teacher

Oh man, I can relate to this question so much. We moved to a new state two years ago with a 3rd grader, a 7th grader, and a 10th grader, and some school mornings were… HARD. I cried A LOT.  Sometimes I wanted to just wrap my kids up in cozy blankets and let them stay home and sometimes I wanted to scream at them to just get it together and GO TO SCHOOL!!  It was a rollercoaster. It’s year three now, and fingers crossed, no one is begging to stay home.   

I may be a parent who has no clue what I’m doing with teens, but I am also a parent who is a former preschool teacher and a self-proclaimed early childhood nerd. Give me all the little kids, and I’ll come to the table with strategies that work. Luckily, in this case, there’s cross-over. So, whether you have bigs or littles, this post will come in handy. 

If your child had a hard time going to school this morning it’s okay if you are thinking… ⁣

-Shouldn’t my child be adjusted by now? ⁣
-Is something wrong? Why don’t they want to go to school? ⁣
-They always seem so happy when there, why can’t they get out the door in the morning without a fight?
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I do this mind-spiral too. But then, I remind myself that wanting to stay home can be very normal. I want to stay home and I’m 46. I want to rewatch Nobody Wants This over and over on my couch while petting the dogs and drinking coffee. Home is safe and easy. ⁣ The outside world, especially school, can be tricky. School life comes with rules and expectations from friends and teachers, and the environment is noisy and overstimulating. It can be a lot and it makes sense if your child is pushing back.
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If your child has a hard time in the morning, it probably doesn’t mean something is wrong at school. ⁣Normalize how they are feeling and set the limit. “It’s so hard this morning. You wish you could stay home and you have to go to school instead. It is okay to cry while we get ready. You still have to go, but it’s okay if you complain about it.”⁣

Instead of saying:

"You love school! You'll play with all your friends." 

"Be a big boy. Stop crying and get dressed."

Trying rephrasing:

"You wish you could stay home today, I hear you."

"It can be hard to go back after a weekend at home together. Lots of kids feel that way."

As parents, we all need to manage our own fear and guilt. Try hard not to respond to your child from a place of fear, and instead, root yourself in knowing that lots of kids want to stay at home.

But my child is crying and refusing to get dressed. What do I do?