When my oldest was around 5 years old we signed him up for town soccer. He wasn’t great, but he wasn’t awful either. He seemed to like the other kids, and it was fun to hang with the other parents on the sideline. During his third-grade season, I sat watching him from the sidelines. He wasn’t paying attention to the game at all, instead, he was watching the planes fly by in the blue sky above him. On the car ride home, he excitedly told us about a flight pattern that he’d been noticing week after week. I turned around to him from the front seat of the car, and said, “Nate, did you know that it’s your choice whether you want to play soccer or not? Dad and I are okay with you playing soccer and we are okay with not playing soccer. You get to choose.”
He ended the season and decided not to sign up again in the spring. Today he’s seventeen and is pursuing a career in professional flight. Pay attention to what your kids are interested in.. sometimes it pays off.
What would it feel like to reserve time for the playground instead of the lessons? What would it feel like to let them play with Lego airplanes or paint and draw instead of heading to the piano lessons they dread? What would the result be if we worried less about kids being at the top of the class and more about teaching our kids to value time to play and rest? Where might it lead them?
In our fast-paced world, adults grapple with burnout in every aspect of life. We pour billions into the wellness industry each year, desperately seeking mindfulness, relaxation, and stress relief. Yet the solution may be simpler than we think. While grown-ups chase the elusive dream of feeling grounded, children instinctively know the secret: time for play. Time to pursue their interests, move their bodies, and learn about themselves and the world around them.
Let’s talk about overscheduling our kids. But, before I dive into this topic, I want to be sensitive to the fact that different families have varying childcare needs, and many parents need childcare while they work. Some families don’t have access to safe green space for their children to play and they use after-school activities as a way to keep their children out of harm’s way. I want to be clear that the following ideas are meant to empower parents, not to shame anyone for their choices. This is a safe space for ALL parents and caregivers.
When my kids were small, I was a SAHM, so I didn’t rely on after-school activities as a form of childcare. Now, as a working mom, I do. I am so grateful to our local JCC where my youngest attends aftercare a few days per week.
Overscheduled kids? 5 Must Ask Questions Before Signing Up For Fall Activities:
When my kids were small, I made a deliberate choice to protect their unscheduled downtime. While I saw the value in exposing them to different activities and lessons, I also wanted them to have time to relax, play around the neighborhood, and enjoy plenty of unstructured time. I wanted to strike a balance between organized activities and free time for just being kids. Leaving afternoons open was my goal. During the school day, they're told when to sit, where to walk, and how to learn. It's structured down to the minute. At home, I felt that my job was to provide the balance. They loved the open-ended, wandering, play-with-whomever-turns-up, creative, child-led-downtime. It was within that space that they learned to listen to their internal rhythms and figured out how to be. It also made our family life simpler, easier, and less expensive.
With Fall approaching and sign-ups looming, I want to support families to make informed choices about how many and which activities to choose for their kids.
5 questions to ask your child before signing up for activities: