80% of Mothers Feel Judged When Parenting in Public—One Mom's Story of Choosing Her Child over the Stares

What an autism mom's quiet dignity taught me about true strength in parenting

This weekend, I witnessed something beautiful while shopping with my 11-year-old. An older woman was entering the grocery store with a man who appeared to be her son, likely in his mid-30s and presenting as a person with autism.

Upon entering, he became overwhelmed and lay down on the floor near the door. His caregiver (I believe his mother) was beautifully unflappable. She calmly stood beside him until he was ready to move through the store. She didn't beg him to get up, didn't yell, didn't pull on him. She simply stood there, calm and collected, ensuring his safety. I made eye contact with her and mouthed, "Are you good, or would you like some help?" She smiled warmly and mouthed back, "We're doing fine."

When we were leaving, I saw her in the parking lot with her son now in the car. I approached and told her how moved I was by her calm and present demeanor. She smiled, thanked me, and we chatted briefly. It was a powerful reminder that our ability as parents to stay centered can be more important than saying the right thing – more important than anything.

What particularly struck me was how this mother (or caregiver) challenged the typical social pressure many of us feel to "control" our children's behavior in public spaces. Instead of reacting to potential judgment, she created a bubble of safety and understanding for her son. Her calmness wasn't just about managing the situation – she honored his needs and dignity.

(According to a 2022 study from the University of Michigan's C.S. Mott Children's Hospital, 80% of mothers report feeling judged for their parenting decisions, particularly in public spaces.)

When I shared this experience on my Instagram stories, the response was overwhelming. Hundreds of parents messaged me saying they cried reading it. Most significantly, I received this message (shared with permission):

"Thank you for being so kind to one of my people. I'm an autism mom of a 7-year-old who frequently has public meltdowns. This life is constantly made more exhausting and heartbreaking by the ostracism we experience ALL. THE. TIME. I have fallen into strangers' arms in tears and sobbed with gratitude when they've shown kindness to me and my son. Nobody knows how hard this life is until they've lived it, so the empathy for us and our beautiful children means absolutely everything."

Then I came across this quote that felt particularly relevant:

"Children never, ever choose the meltdown, or the anxiety-related behavior, in the same way you would never, ever choose to have a meltdown in front of your family, colleagues, or friends. A meltdown is not a choice; it is a byproduct of a brain that isn't coping with something. And that brain needs to be showered in love, compassion, and safety." - Allison Davies

Puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

As you go about your day, hold onto these stories. Have empathy for fellow parents and their children. We are all doing our best.

One final note: Please remember there's a significant difference between a developmentally appropriate tantrum and a sensory meltdown. We need to recognize them as distinct experiences and respond accordingly.

I know how tricky this distinction can be, so I've created a PDF guide for my paid subscribers to reference when needed. You can become a paid subscriber for less than the price of one latte per month.